sleep paralysis

Im looking in the mirror at a haunted image of the un dead I keep seeing shadow things coming towards me but I can't run my feet won't go my body fuckin weak nightmares are like my reality in the day light this shit is a fuckin fright help me help me I can't deal open up and swallow that pill Sleep paralysis will have you in between a heavenly slumber and the bows of hell close your eyes and count to 10 in your vision all you see is dead men sleep paralysis its got you trapped so much that you wish you would never wake up again Creepy lil images out in the shadows lurkin in the cut so you can't see what they trynna do to you cut you from ear to ear but only in your sleep cuz once u woke all that shit is a blurr but that scarecrow really is an ax murderer better run and hide if you look him in the eyes you just caused your demise Sleep sleep no sleep to scare the goblins hon get me I cant sleep it's like im on no doze I can't sleep cuz it's like the devil haunts me Sleep paralysis Sleep is what happens when you're dead

love me

Can you love me like cliff loved claire? Do you think of me when I'm right there and miss me when we're apart? DOes it make you angry to picture me being introduced as someone else's ol' lady? Would you cry for me if anything ever happened? What about on our wedding day, will your eyes fill with tears of joy and love for our union for etnerity? Do you crave me like i crave the taste of your flesh against the top of my mouth. That day you showed me your heart was the day mine went from broken to healed on the spot/ You cant describe to me in words how are the only one God made for me. The journey I have made in my life to find you was well worth it tho you'll be the last cancer my heart will ever know.

pretty girls in the trap

They say all the pretty girls love the trap the life the money its all so fast pretty girl in the trap slow down this life don't last cuz the pretty girl in the trap always falls in love with the dope more than she will ever love the dope boy eventually the only way she will ever see herself clearly is when the pretty girl in the trap has a bowl to her lips or a rig to her skin the prettiest girls always got the worst habits and the saddest stories The pretty girls love the trap cuz they can erase the real them and become that pretty bitch that everybody envies pretty girls in the trap are constantly running a race to try to cure the pain but no amount of dope will ever make her heart unbreak The stories that the pretty girls in the trap tell some are the truth but most are lies to cover up the real them they are trying to hide; that's why we are looked at so hard by the outside eyes but really were just scared lil girls with tears in our eyes because we know what happens when daddy comes in the bed with us when mommy isnt here the pretty girls never grow from that trauma instead they just bottled it up and keep letting life fuck them over and over again pretty girls in the trap she gets so high, she nods out with a smile and lets the fent numb them from all the pains they cant make go away Its a way to forget everything the world has thrown in her path it hurts too much so the pretty girl gets high to stop remembering certain things that made us be who we be line after line turns into glass bowls fill with dope smoke that we roll because we have lost all hope but the smoke stops being enough to stop the anger the frustrations and the why's that we constantly contemplate the bowl turns int a rig puncturing her skin there she is a pretty girl pronouced dead from an overdose on fent and herion the pretty girl veins filled with dope is finally free from the chains that held her down now she is a caged bird who has been set free RIP MARANDA PACE I LOVE YOU FOREVER!

anti personality in disorder

See you may think that I am a bitch with a face thats always looking serious i never have a smile im forever frowing but what I see is a woman who is tired from years of torment and abuse who is sick of being mistreated and used if i walk around like i hate you then it wont be hard for you to figure out that i dont want you to intertwine yourself in my web of bullshit and lies that i created to keep myself out of the way because just like everyone else you are only in my life to hurt me mentaly i am drained i wish everyday these feeelings would go away i hate being frustated sad stressed and lonely but i love my solitude the feeling is my only joy sometimes in this fucked up world my identity is unknown even to me i cant tell you how many times a day i split into another version of my complex personality happiness is a feeling i dont know the meaning of but from this point on it is a feeling that i want to never stop im just an antisocial butterfly who is about to clip her wings

crazy

back and forth my mind going 1000 ways I don’t know who I am no more its like I am 4 people to your one I hear thte voices they call out for me all the time but I can never see them just hear them in the distance repeating my name like a constant nag So many times I think I should have just took the rope and tied a belt in a loop around the shower and kicked the bucket from under my feet cuz living each day like this is making me wish I never had to breathe again This earth is my hell and my temple is me I am the only one that sees im truly the goddess and you arent meant to be anything to me Ah my head it’s another split Then I snap out of it and back into a cloudy and dazed reality I cant take it no more Shadow peope fuckin with me playinn hide and seek I think ima take them down to the creek The water is shallow but it willl do I think this the night I end my life and yours too I hate everything about this nut you are the sacrafice to me a life with battling all these multtiple personaonlites that love everything in this world that is addicting. Please just let me let the demons go they can have my soul I dont need it I just needed lto be a caged bird freed along time ago

the switch

damn im sitting here tears fillin up my eyes i cant believe that cold day in hell finally arrived i begged you to stay but you just kept walking away i didnt think all of the lies would catch up with me but here i am the one with one more lie between clintched teeth Im sorry ….. thats gonna be the phrase that haunts you forever cuz its the only thing i could really say but see the manipulating me was right there ready to start her bullshit just with a new victim a new scene a new face same heart that can easily break I keep taking these good men and making them into the monster i see when i look into the mirror a good man is gone and the damage i caused will live with you through the next relationship or two beyond the faintly faded memories of me and you i wish you hadnt been so weak i took you for everything even tho you got tired and left me the damage i did tho that will be a lifelong thing that goes from breakup anger to a characteristic of your personaility see i told you eventually i will turn you in to everything you hate id turn you into me and the next girl in your life will have to deal with the bullshit that i made

love or drugs

Love or drugs march 1st 2023 milan Faded As We Lay high in the sky call out your name but you're no reply I run as fast as my body can go but I Feel So weightless like I've lost all control Where are you my love please don't go I can't it will cause me to give up on everything but then I wake up and I see that smile that I've Loved for so many years and I say to you it's either love or the drugs cuz the dope seems to be seems to be breaking out bond in every single way and I cried every single day I hate the day that you make Fentanyl I wish we could go back to the day before it happened because our lives would be so different but I fell in love with you and we fell in love with the drugs so I say this is my love it's either our love or the drugs The nightmare finding you needle in your arm has become something only feared into reality I wish I could escape But addicts we are you're the one battling so much more pain that the only the Euphoria of Fentanyl seems to erase Is scary is scary to see how we've gone from being on top to not having shit not even enough for our daily ball l but I stuck with you through it all The good days and the bad days we've gone through through sickness withdrawals and relapses and survived it all But I know that once all the Smoke Clears our love was never stronger than the drugs and that would be our downfall Again my love I wish you love me as much as you love fentanyl so I asked you this it's either our love or the drugs Lying in the bathroom floor I find you turning cold and blue and this is the moment that I knew The day I found you dead from an overdose was the day I lost my heart my soul and my best friend I wish you would have picked our love but I guess you picked What you loved most of all

life of a dope feen

Let me paint you a picture of the reality Of living life As a dope fiend That 20 is never going to be enough You’ll call the dealer again Inhale the smoke that soothes your Soul And takes your mind to places unknown You used to smoke for the fun of it But deep down its cuz you wanted to mask some shit Hide away all the bruises that you know are there Even tho they have faded away It started out so simple didn’t it Now your in the bathroom floor with some foil a spoon and a needle You were the prom queen they said But now you just wish the life you had Would have never happened And that the fairy tale it was supposed to be Was everything you turned out to be You are In denial of the truth And that’s why you have arms with track scars as proof Itching scratching away at the nothing that is your oblivious imagination Addiction is like hell but we on earth talking and breathing Battling that demon You cant blame anyone for this shit but yourself You had it all at one point in time But now your just sick all the time The dope is so good you will do anything for it So you spread your legs for $20 or $30 dollars You got him off and all you got was a hit And that’s not gonna last long So you jumpin in and out of cars All night long You are chasing the dragon but the dragon isn’t there And it just isn’t fair how you fucked your life up And made the choice to go from a QUEEN to a junkie I mean a fiend or whatever you wanna call it however you wanna be seen The love you never had as a kid you swear you’ll find it in  A foil wit fent in it But there is no love in that shit Just arrests, court dates, sickness and regret It’s a point you know when the high aint high enough And it doesn’t numb your pan away So you shoot up some more and then your body drops

dope

time it moves so ever slowly when you are only up anticipating the very thing that should be freighting but the curosity always killed the cat so they say so now here you lie at 3 am wide awake because you and the bowl just cant part ways silly lil addict how awake do you want to be the dope lies to you it makes you think you are that bitch but really nobody actually notices you the dope consumes you what used to be something so beautiful is now nothing but a miserable disaster the dope lies to you it makes you want to fuck every tom dick and harry when your hiv screen comes back the dope tells you its ok just lie to them like he lied to you the dope overpowers you and you now have no control but baby girl remember it all started with wanting to be somebody and rollin that bowl life is nothing but smoke and mirrors but when you add a substance to it it aint that much clearer even tho we are high enough and feel like we are touching the sky the only thing we are really doing is trudging along and dancing with the devil this life its so fake take me back to when all i knew about meth was that it was blowing up billy n dem cuz they asses were making shake n bake i love who i am have become but i hate this is how i found myself again dope is the destroyer of love, of life and of all happinesss eventually the ice isnt enough so you turn to heroin and fentynal and thats usually what ends it all the dope lies to you it makes you think you are that bitch but really nobody actually notices you the dope consumes you what used to be something so beautiful is now nothing but a miserable disaster the dope lies to you it makes you want to fuck every tom dick and harry when your hiv screen comes back the dope tells you its ok just lie to them like he lied to you the dope overpowers you and you now have no control RIP MIRANDA PACE I WILL FOREVER AND ALWAYS HOLD YOU IN MY HEART I HOPE YOU ARE FLYING HIGH WATCHING OVER US ALL AND MAYBE ITS BECAUSE OF YOU WHY SHALLOWFORD IS FINALLY ABOUT TO FALL

cash and bird

I'm sorry for everything I didn't do I'm sorry for the things I should have done I'm sorry I fell in love with someone who I thought was gonna love me forever but it ended in just a couple months but those were months I could live over and over and over again cuz I never want that time to be replaced by memories with someone else I want you and you only and I want you to myself we are usually up but for now we have fallen and you have gone back to the past and left me in the present broken hearted unsure of what the future holds for us if it in fact brings us anything although I pray it does because now you've imprinted on my mind my body and my soul it's almost physically impossible for me to function without the other half that makes us a whole you never could have guessed that your life would have impacted mine the way it did but the moment I looked you in your eyes as we woke up that first night together I knew I never wanted to wake up next to anyone else but you you gave up too easy and I didn't fight hard enough so now we're at a stage where you feel I owe you and i feel like even with the money I'll never be good enough it was just yesterday when we were in love n shit now being around is non existent but I wrote this for you cuz you slick low key wanted a poem written about you from me and here it is Cash will you please forgive me for not knowing that loving you would be one of the most beautiful yet hardest things to do the only hard part is letting you go back to a place i feel once caused you hurt you know the grass aint always green sometimes its just plan ol dirt your heart and mine are connected thru the end of time but let's let that come day at a time so i say to you can you remember that soft spot in your heart for bird cuz bird loves cash and that's da word

the beginning

The Truth Let me tell it See this here is the truth about me and you or you and I, whichever is the grammatically correct way to represent the us we have become you are my stars my moon and I am the Goddess of the night but when you look at me I turn into the Sun beaming from ear to ear with rays of light I cant imagine what my world would be like without you cuz up til you found me on badu my world was so dark and unhappy i was always so fuckin miserable because your soul was searching and my soul was trying to run away from anything that had to do with love cuz love had blinded me and made me feel like I am less of the Goddess I know our creators especially blended together from broken plaster and thats why I am a broken woman until valentines day the year was 2023 and I had never thought another person's confusing text would have lead me to the inbox of the one i refuse to ever ever be without again its like the first time my energy and yours intertwined the plaster's cracks began to smooth themselves out I can see so much hurt and pain in your eyes and it kills me that anyone would ever cause you any pain but can you just let me love you and the damage will soon heal the wounds you never thought could be sealed you complete so many of the missing pieces of my life i know now that everything we have experienced has lead us to be so scared to love again but for that reason our hearts are unseperable i love you for so many reasons i dont think i have enough memory on my laptop to begin to tell you i love you because you love me just as i am and i love you because you are the perfect man i hope my next son grows up and wants to be ive never had someone do the things you do for me and if you ever leave me i know i will lose the biggest part of me and that scares the fuck out of me Cash on my mama n dem you know my kids n granny We will have a thousand more fights, a billion more kisses, a trillion more i love you's and makeups and breakups and prenups cuz baby i believe in you and i know you gonna be on food network one day so fine so talented and so famous this shit aint no joke you my husband you my soul mate and the reason i finally am whole not shattered with abusive post tramatic memories can you let me love every part of you i want you and i to be in this not just together but for eternity cuz i still see you with my hand in yours as we cross into the next journey i dont deserve you i think you deserve the world that you give me unselfishly you are taking a spoied princess and turning her into a queen I love you my Daddy Nugget, my Cash, my Mike C never think different never doubt us and never think that i dont love you for you fuck all that other shit you are my baby fr and i thnk me without you would probably end up killing me I can tell how you look at me that you really do love me so i really wrote all this to say thank you i appreciate everything you have done and will ever do for me its means so much more thna i think you will ever know

alpha 3

sitting in alpha 3 everybody sleep except me im up geeked drinkin on this dirt coffee sitting back thinkin how the fuck this happen to me my put i was always extra careful no new friends with badder habits but who knew the one on my paperwork would be you you called 12 on me told them i sold you bad dope but now im locked up and you still in the street bangin on blood and holla'n suuwoo but you was supposed to be my best friend my day one my go to but you the reason why im in this yellow jumpsuit with pendin charges cuz you cant handle the dope that you smoke hands behind my back head down like fuck who can i call to bail me out no one you took my freedom from me and i can never forgive and forget that then to turn around and watch two other people plottin against me pointin they fingers like yo is this really how the dope game be so much for them tats on you saying loyalty see i always fucked wit you gave you an extra gram or two just trynna put a  lil something in ya pocket but you never did flip it you just flipped yo shit and waited til the time i only had a dub for you to drop the dime on me like bruh why me you always said my poems flow so well and my stories be so true but did you ever think id write one bout a snitch ass bitch and dedicate it to you ?

changes

how the fuck was i supposed to know that the person i have loved for so many years was someone who could be so disgusting so foul you hurt that part of me again even after all these years i let you and her remain friends friends was never the word used to describe the way yall carried on the relationship cuz damn 2 kids goes by thats way more than a fling but if it wasnt for the fact i found the dna test reults cuz you were always bad at hiding things completely i would never have thought those pretty lil girls she birthed like clockwork each of their birthdays is exactly 11 months apart looked just like the mother the monster who theyd learn from an theyd grow up with frozen bitter hearts you hid the fact that she was fuckin you so good you just said fuck it we can still have the baby just say my girl is the god mommy and itll make her so happy she wont even think about the fact we're on number three but me and her never concieved so you mean to tell me that everytime i hit 11 weeks your seed would die so hers could thrive and you wonder why the fuck i was always crying and contemplating suicide

spun

what do you do when the drugs you do aren't getting you lit anymore they are barely covering the war wounds you were trying to cover thats why you started using in the first place everything you wanted to hide from the past seems to be slowly creepin up and no longer are faded memories but a vivid picture of your reality The crash out seems to be the best been up for 4 days tweakin youve spun out of control which is rare cuz you usually dont tap out unless youve been awake for at least 2 weeks You look in the mirror hair ecverywhere bags under your eyes mascara smeared from the tears you' re standing there looking at a demon who for so many years you tried to bury but knew one of these would reappear so you're spun out don't know which way to go you hold the gun to your head but cannot seem to pull the trigger cuz you are really scared to meet the reaper you fall on your knees asking god to heal you from all the pain you suffer but you know God aint listening because all the other times you didnt take heed now you're lost you take the rig and break it in half swearing you will never chase the rabbit down the hole again cuz its no wonderland where dope takes you If you or someone you love is suffering from addiction in any of its many forms seek or encourage them to seek treatment. You are not alone!

abyss

I was known as the queen of hearts and if you tried to get in my way it was really off with your head im haunted now by the ghosts of the those i prayed dead Now i don't have anything left of that life of the one i had after the prison sentence and parole was over now i'm just a junkie strung out on the very thing that use to make me feel invincible really was inevitably my downfall I had everything and i let it slip through my hands now I'm trying to figure out if God is the sinner and the Devil is the one who just wants us to love life make everything beautiful and love ourselves first so that we can understand what loving someone else is in the end i have loved and lost my very point of life and now I am here in this empty house went from queen pen to felon to housewife to dope junkie to high to care about anything but the next hit and that's all to the sad story the pain cuts deeper than what can be sowed up and i cry in agony like a devilish sympathy you cannot imagine the failures i have endured and the things i cannot conquer anymore it was taken from me all because i was selfishly painting masks over masks to hide the life i never wanted them to find out about until that day I spun out of control and now I am here in a dark place a black abyss as nothing more nothing less than a lost soul seeking solitude and forgiveness

bye cash

Its crazy how you will never forgive me for shit i didnt even do but you'll run back to the one who really hurt you You cant just tell me one day you love me then the next day we're done it dont work like that no no no no sir you dont get to turn on and off a heart thats already cold and bitter too scared to be alone but dont realize the real thats literally in your face but im not a size 2 my fat ass is plump asf but you never had that issue before you said you loved girls who was a lil chunk chunk I guess it was my borderline personality that split a few times too many that made you fall out of whatever that was we was in its cool tho i just know that this pain cuts deeper than any time my heart has been broken before becuase i was so sure that you were pure in your intentions and you acted as if you were sincere but i guess the wolf pulled the coat over my eyes yet again its you, your type that makes women who were once happen then put thru hell, happy again just to take it all away you said fuck everything about our relationship yet you need me to fund you going to see the next bitch whiile i sat here and ran plays you keep saying it aint but i klnow the real reason your attitude changed cuz that flawless goddess you saw thru the smoke and mirrors was just nothing but a dope head whore just trying to live another day thats the reality of everything men like you have lead me to here where on one aspect of life i blossomed and on the other i wilted away you could have never even woke up a sleeping heart but you did and you wonder why the fuck im so angry i didnt ask to be in this position but i am what the envirmonent that i placed myself in reproduced and now i cant prove to you that its you who id rather live thru the rest of my days with cuz you're blinded by the fact that i never actually hurt you you just made it look like it was all my fault when really the blame should come from within you said so much those months i fought to keep you in my life and yet that day you needed me after you and her turned out to fail the 90th time i opened my door and let you come in to only take what was left of me and destory my story

lost in wonderland

sittin back reminincing about things all the memories of when i just smoked trees and had cute lil daydreams then i went from daydreaming to living in a nightmare my own personal verison of hell i made my life this way because i chose to live a life that wasnt designed for me now im lonely, bitter and scared and my love of dope is all that i know even tho its what caused my empire to fall a queen on her thrown i went from serving balls to chasin Jason the white rabbittil we reached the end and releized it wasnt wonderland after all but the glass i looked thru was cloudy as fuck i gave it all i could but eventually the drugs you sell become the drugs you inhale now we on the phone and im crying to my mamma please just pay the bail too sick to function too gone to know anything going on i just want to restart the story and maybe a new character this is all i had to give finally i see the light at the end and there i was in wonderland

free lucki

This shit here is not a game why is you playin wit me man if you go and break my heart will you do one thing pretty please will you mend the broken pieces even tho we shouldnt be within 50 ft of one another thats what the court said but fuck 12 they cant keep you from me so when you give in and understand i aint leaving will you put me back togethe again use the gorilla glue so i know its true this thing i got in my chest its supposed to be cold and black cuz i am a goddess a demon a succubus my heart dont exist but why when i think of you it beats really fast is this true love boo all i know is this tho what you not gon do is have me out here lookin like a foo on God dude i will fuckin kill you and i rememeber i got a 51-50 I can shoot you in between the eyes and get away wit it a crime of passion he drove her to insanity yeah thats what ill plea ok ok ok look im gonna save that psycho shit for later right now i just want to love you like you cant be loved no more baby let me carve my initials in your chest with an ice pick it wont hurt it will barely bleed but over your heart Ill for ever be you gotta understand me when i say this you gonna hate me for life and love me til the death of me but guess what we gonnna really be together in eternity cuz when i go you goin too like oh yeah im sucidal but i cant imagine going back to the darkest parts of hell with out ya so i guess ima be a lil homicidal i am gonna take you life ima gonna keep your soul im just kinda like a schizo lil homicidal fairy please dont leave me thats really just my other personality that bitch is tweakin i hate this shit cuz i always split at the wrongest times now you wont be able to sleep cuz you gonna think that im gonna suffocate you with my pillow.. dont worry that aint how i planned it out ropes better to get the breath out oh shit i did it again im gonna go take my medicine so i can go back to reality but i swear to you Im Satans daughter it will only get worse as we get hotter and hotter this shit is so fucked up being a demon and battteling finding you and saving me you cant die unless you die with me so lets just say goodbye to this world the news will announce us a pair of star crossed lovers gone forever by a gruesome murder/suicide.

split

Head spinning round again I fell like I do this over and over again Set myself up for the kill of the century Who would have thought the victim of my crime would have turned out to be me So far gone I just tune out the bullshit If you ain’t making dollars ain’t no sense in talking bout nothing else Sweet escape I made it again Wonder if God gonna send me back to hell I can’t ever win Steady loosin yea yo bitch she choosing Skip past me like naw fuck that loser Fuck my life and everything in it I’m too fly to keep being misrepresented It’s a bird it’s a plane naw hell naw it’s Just me Redd and I’m doin my Thang Stacking what paper I can Ima see better days again I can’t keep pretending that my life is improving its really not I can’t help it but I been doing so much over thinking and stressed about another motel room checking out at 11 damn I thought I was staying til tomorraa It’s always check out time at the Lil Inn on the end ima just go to sleep and hope that I don’t wake and this will finally end

the day after

its crazy how you will never forgive me for shit i didnt even do but you'll run back to the one who really hurt you You cant just tell me one day you love me then the next day we're done it dont work like that no no no no sir you dont get to turn on and off a heart thats already cold and bitter too scared to be alone but dont realize the real thats literally in your face but im not a size 2 my fat ass is plump asf but you never had that issue before you said you loved girls who was a lil chunk chunk I guess it was my borderline personality that split a few times too many that made you fall out of whatever that was we was in its cool tho i just know that this pain cuts deeper than any time my heart has been broken before becuase i was so sure that you were pure in your intentions and you acted as if you were sincere but i guess the wolf pulled the coat over my eyes yet again its you, your type that makes women who were once happen then put thru hell, happy again just to take it all away you said fuck everything about our relationship yet you need me to fund you going to see the next bitch whiile i sat here and ran plays you keep saying it aint but i klnow the real reason your attitude changed cuz that flawless goddess you saw thru the smoke and mirrors was just nothing but a dope head whore just trying to live another day thats the reality of everything men like you have lead me to here where on one aspect of life i blossomed and on the other i wilted away you could have never even woke up a sleeping heart but you did and you wonder why the fuck im so angry i didnt ask to be in this position but i am what the envirmonent that i placed myself in reproduced and now i cant prove to you that its you who id rather live thru the rest of my days with cuz you're blinded by the fact that i never actually hurt you you just made it look like it was all my fault when really the blame should come from within you said so much those months i fought to keep you in my life and yet that day you needed me after you and her turned out to fail the 90th time i opened my door and let you come in to only take what was left of me and destory my story

my attempt at goodbye

I cant pretend that I dont still love you I hate every minute of every day that goes by and I am without you I hate looking at our old pics and flix cuz those were some of the best times ive had in my life when i told you that i loved you that shit hit from a different spot i dont tell people i love them if i dont mean it and that first i love you to you was from the heart i knew when you slipped up and said i love you that everything i had ever doubted about love wasnt really true and even tho we are apart i never doubted your love for me and thats what keeps me going everyday that i hate that your not in my life anymore i havent cried so many tears for one person in my life but everyday for months i couldnt help but let them flow down my cheeks because it was me who ultimately ripped out your heart i could see it in your eyes on the days when you were so mean that i couldnt understand why you were doin those things to me that the words were just words but you were hurt and it was all my fault i should have taken better care of our time together i should have let you guide me to a life where I could still wake up to you and thank God that you were made for me and our souls finally met on some random shit on a day that just so happened to be the day that love is celebrated and im glad it was you who came to my rescue cuz that day has always been hard for me it seems like the people who i care for the most but loose in the worst ways always make their way in to my life on valentines day I miss you so much and I try not to show it but today aint one of them days i can stop the replays of every memory we made together and i cant stop the feelings of regret and anger and if i had only been a lil less of a littith and more like eve then i would still have my baby my daddy nugget my king i always feel like you miss me too and i hope you do but i know you are gonna be the one who i pushed away but you never came back even after the promises we mad that no matter how hard things got we wouldnt lose our way but i gave up when you needed me to be the strongest i could be im so weak and felt like i could always push you and you would stand strong and endure the bipolar episodes and the maniac mood swings but you left me in the midst of the typical borderline split that i tried to teach you about and I think thats why i hurt so bad because that me wasnt really me i was just somebody stuck in my head that ended up coming out into reality and she took away the love i deserved more than anything and left me broken and empty and my heart searching for yours again i think you will run from me for eternity cuz youre the one soul who couldnt be taken by me i will look for you but never find you and you will look for me and never find me and thats because we completed each other so perfectly now we're just out here trying to unbreak the broken but it will never be i love you cash and you never will understand how much our time really made me realize that you saw the flaws in me and you accepted that part i was 100 percent myself around you and ive never been able to do that and i miss you so much but i know i fucked up and you aint coming back but i wish you a happy life even tho its not with me but thank you for being my man through a time in my life where i needed you as fucked up as my life is you were the one thing that gave me the stregth to keep going and do bette

The hardest part

The hardest part of letting go is wondering which fight had to be the one to determine our end when we spent so long planning out what was such a stable future but now for the next 1000 nights i will sleep alone in anger and frustration because we were just fine now i got all these people in my ear telling me how youre doing out here and how youre happy with her that its time for me to just let go and move on but if you werent happy with me but you moved on with me from her how could you go back like things suddenly would change cuz you didnt want to be there before but then you ran back after i closed the door which is it do you even know how to let go before you already halfway in a new relationship with a new girl but the hardest part is admitting your mistakes but some how its like you never fall out of everyones good grace but i do cuz you paint a picture you place my face and now everyone compares me with the devil the one who ruined your life but they have no clue how many times i had to fight you for my life the hardest part about lettting you go is knowing that once im gone i will not come back for another shot of finishing me like mortal kombat final fatality i remember when you would tell me you loved me so if you loved me where did it go overnight i wish we could just climb back into the bed go back to sleep and never live the day we broke up again cuz the hardest part of letting go is living everyday with out my best friend

save me

save me save me from the pain that the truth brings let me be blind from the misery the love turned to hate creates dont make me feel how you feel just because you dont kno whow to deal maybe you did make some mistakes i think you have been telling me lies its more than your side of the story its your then there's her's as much as it hurts to hear her describe the same things you do to me you are doing to her i feel like this love was never really love just a rebound that took you for a twist and turn you never intended to love me but now you do you want to hurt me before i hurt you but i could never imagine the day that i could do the impossible but then i walked away the fairytale was over no more knight in shining armour you were just another heart that couldnt mend on its own so you had to find someone to blame it on even though it wasnt me that did anything wrong because i wasnt the typical girl you fell for and you understood me more than you understood yourself you pushed so far away that i feel off the bridge right before you got a chance to burn it

borderline

love eventually turns into a hate so deep 

man you still bitter come on its been years just forgive me for everything

i never meant to cheat well i aint mean to get caught 

and the lies

i told them lies cuz i knew if i told you the truth it would hurt you so i lied to you to protect your feelings because baby i do love you

i knew you would lose your mind when you found out about me and your brother at your mothers house last thanksgiving while you were locked up 

your brother was just a shoulder to cry on i aint mean for him to become a dick for me to ride on

but i guess my apology wasnt shit but i know its gotta be hard to be here with your nephew slash step son i know it dont make it no better but your brother ened up being a piece of shit and left me alone with his seed and you just so happen to come home around the time we conceived so the times were so close i never thought you would question jrs paternity 

if i say im sorry to you for the millionith and one time will you finally believe me cuz i really didnt mean it 

i only cheated 

cuz i caught you textin other bitches

but you laid you in my shit dead ass broke like at least get some money from the ho you risk your life for 

i only wanted to kill you slowly 

watch you breakdown mentally so slow that the pain i made in you gonna take away 

the way you think, the way you do everything, you will have no control but i have total poessesion of every reaction you can create

you will always blame me but the truth is the guilty one is the one who sees the devil when she looks into the mirror 

the knfe you shoved in spine the day you chose to give my dick away well

here you can have it back