changes

how the fuck was i supposed to know that the person i have loved for so many years was someone who could be so disgusting so foul you hurt that part of me again even after all these years i let you and her remain friends friends was never the word used to describe the way yall carried on the relationship cuz damn 2 kids goes by thats way more than a fling but if it wasnt for the fact i found the dna test reults cuz you were always bad at hiding things completely i would never have thought those pretty lil girls she birthed like clockwork each of their birthdays is exactly 11 months apart looked just like the mother the monster who theyd learn from an theyd grow up with frozen bitter hearts you hid the fact that she was fuckin you so good you just said fuck it we can still have the baby just say my girl is the god mommy and itll make her so happy she wont even think about the fact we're on number three but me and her never concieved so you mean to tell me that everytime i hit 11 weeks your seed would die so hers could thrive and you wonder why the fuck i was always crying and contemplating suicide

spun

what do you do when the drugs you do aren't getting you lit anymore they are barely covering the war wounds you were trying to cover thats why you started using in the first place everything you wanted to hide from the past seems to be slowly creepin up and no longer are faded memories but a vivid picture of your reality The crash out seems to be the best been up for 4 days tweakin youve spun out of control which is rare cuz you usually dont tap out unless youve been awake for at least 2 weeks You look in the mirror hair ecverywhere bags under your eyes mascara smeared from the tears you' re standing there looking at a demon who for so many years you tried to bury but knew one of these would reappear so you're spun out don't know which way to go you hold the gun to your head but cannot seem to pull the trigger cuz you are really scared to meet the reaper you fall on your knees asking god to heal you from all the pain you suffer but you know God aint listening because all the other times you didnt take heed now you're lost you take the rig and break it in half swearing you will never chase the rabbit down the hole again cuz its no wonderland where dope takes you If you or someone you love is suffering from addiction in any of its many forms seek or encourage them to seek treatment. You are not alone!

abyss

I was known as the queen of hearts and if you tried to get in my way it was really off with your head im haunted now by the ghosts of the those i prayed dead Now i don't have anything left of that life of the one i had after the prison sentence and parole was over now i'm just a junkie strung out on the very thing that use to make me feel invincible really was inevitably my downfall I had everything and i let it slip through my hands now I'm trying to figure out if God is the sinner and the Devil is the one who just wants us to love life make everything beautiful and love ourselves first so that we can understand what loving someone else is in the end i have loved and lost my very point of life and now I am here in this empty house went from queen pen to felon to housewife to dope junkie to high to care about anything but the next hit and that's all to the sad story the pain cuts deeper than what can be sowed up and i cry in agony like a devilish sympathy you cannot imagine the failures i have endured and the things i cannot conquer anymore it was taken from me all because i was selfishly painting masks over masks to hide the life i never wanted them to find out about until that day I spun out of control and now I am here in a dark place a black abyss as nothing more nothing less than a lost soul seeking solitude and forgiveness

bye cash

Its crazy how you will never forgive me for shit i didnt even do but you'll run back to the one who really hurt you You cant just tell me one day you love me then the next day we're done it dont work like that no no no no sir you dont get to turn on and off a heart thats already cold and bitter too scared to be alone but dont realize the real thats literally in your face but im not a size 2 my fat ass is plump asf but you never had that issue before you said you loved girls who was a lil chunk chunk I guess it was my borderline personality that split a few times too many that made you fall out of whatever that was we was in its cool tho i just know that this pain cuts deeper than any time my heart has been broken before becuase i was so sure that you were pure in your intentions and you acted as if you were sincere but i guess the wolf pulled the coat over my eyes yet again its you, your type that makes women who were once happen then put thru hell, happy again just to take it all away you said fuck everything about our relationship yet you need me to fund you going to see the next bitch whiile i sat here and ran plays you keep saying it aint but i klnow the real reason your attitude changed cuz that flawless goddess you saw thru the smoke and mirrors was just nothing but a dope head whore just trying to live another day thats the reality of everything men like you have lead me to here where on one aspect of life i blossomed and on the other i wilted away you could have never even woke up a sleeping heart but you did and you wonder why the fuck im so angry i didnt ask to be in this position but i am what the envirmonent that i placed myself in reproduced and now i cant prove to you that its you who id rather live thru the rest of my days with cuz you're blinded by the fact that i never actually hurt you you just made it look like it was all my fault when really the blame should come from within you said so much those months i fought to keep you in my life and yet that day you needed me after you and her turned out to fail the 90th time i opened my door and let you come in to only take what was left of me and destory my story

lost in wonderland

sittin back reminincing about things all the memories of when i just smoked trees and had cute lil daydreams then i went from daydreaming to living in a nightmare my own personal verison of hell i made my life this way because i chose to live a life that wasnt designed for me now im lonely, bitter and scared and my love of dope is all that i know even tho its what caused my empire to fall a queen on her thrown i went from serving balls to chasin Jason the white rabbittil we reached the end and releized it wasnt wonderland after all but the glass i looked thru was cloudy as fuck i gave it all i could but eventually the drugs you sell become the drugs you inhale now we on the phone and im crying to my mamma please just pay the bail too sick to function too gone to know anything going on i just want to restart the story and maybe a new character this is all i had to give finally i see the light at the end and there i was in wonderland

free lucki

This shit here is not a game why is you playin wit me man if you go and break my heart will you do one thing pretty please will you mend the broken pieces even tho we shouldnt be within 50 ft of one another thats what the court said but fuck 12 they cant keep you from me so when you give in and understand i aint leaving will you put me back togethe again use the gorilla glue so i know its true this thing i got in my chest its supposed to be cold and black cuz i am a goddess a demon a succubus my heart dont exist but why when i think of you it beats really fast is this true love boo all i know is this tho what you not gon do is have me out here lookin like a foo on God dude i will fuckin kill you and i rememeber i got a 51-50 I can shoot you in between the eyes and get away wit it a crime of passion he drove her to insanity yeah thats what ill plea ok ok ok look im gonna save that psycho shit for later right now i just want to love you like you cant be loved no more baby let me carve my initials in your chest with an ice pick it wont hurt it will barely bleed but over your heart Ill for ever be you gotta understand me when i say this you gonna hate me for life and love me til the death of me but guess what we gonnna really be together in eternity cuz when i go you goin too like oh yeah im sucidal but i cant imagine going back to the darkest parts of hell with out ya so i guess ima be a lil homicidal i am gonna take you life ima gonna keep your soul im just kinda like a schizo lil homicidal fairy please dont leave me thats really just my other personality that bitch is tweakin i hate this shit cuz i always split at the wrongest times now you wont be able to sleep cuz you gonna think that im gonna suffocate you with my pillow.. dont worry that aint how i planned it out ropes better to get the breath out oh shit i did it again im gonna go take my medicine so i can go back to reality but i swear to you Im Satans daughter it will only get worse as we get hotter and hotter this shit is so fucked up being a demon and battteling finding you and saving me you cant die unless you die with me so lets just say goodbye to this world the news will announce us a pair of star crossed lovers gone forever by a gruesome murder/suicide.