the day after

its crazy how you will never forgive me for shit i didnt even do but you'll run back to the one who really hurt you You cant just tell me one day you love me then the next day we're done it dont work like that no no no no sir you dont get to turn on and off a heart thats already cold and bitter too scared to be alone but dont realize the real thats literally in your face but im not a size 2 my fat ass is plump asf but you never had that issue before you said you loved girls who was a lil chunk chunk I guess it was my borderline personality that split a few times too many that made you fall out of whatever that was we was in its cool tho i just know that this pain cuts deeper than any time my heart has been broken before becuase i was so sure that you were pure in your intentions and you acted as if you were sincere but i guess the wolf pulled the coat over my eyes yet again its you, your type that makes women who were once happen then put thru hell, happy again just to take it all away you said fuck everything about our relationship yet you need me to fund you going to see the next bitch whiile i sat here and ran plays you keep saying it aint but i klnow the real reason your attitude changed cuz that flawless goddess you saw thru the smoke and mirrors was just nothing but a dope head whore just trying to live another day thats the reality of everything men like you have lead me to here where on one aspect of life i blossomed and on the other i wilted away you could have never even woke up a sleeping heart but you did and you wonder why the fuck im so angry i didnt ask to be in this position but i am what the envirmonent that i placed myself in reproduced and now i cant prove to you that its you who id rather live thru the rest of my days with cuz you're blinded by the fact that i never actually hurt you you just made it look like it was all my fault when really the blame should come from within you said so much those months i fought to keep you in my life and yet that day you needed me after you and her turned out to fail the 90th time i opened my door and let you come in to only take what was left of me and destory my story

my attempt at goodbye

I cant pretend that I dont still love you I hate every minute of every day that goes by and I am without you I hate looking at our old pics and flix cuz those were some of the best times ive had in my life when i told you that i loved you that shit hit from a different spot i dont tell people i love them if i dont mean it and that first i love you to you was from the heart i knew when you slipped up and said i love you that everything i had ever doubted about love wasnt really true and even tho we are apart i never doubted your love for me and thats what keeps me going everyday that i hate that your not in my life anymore i havent cried so many tears for one person in my life but everyday for months i couldnt help but let them flow down my cheeks because it was me who ultimately ripped out your heart i could see it in your eyes on the days when you were so mean that i couldnt understand why you were doin those things to me that the words were just words but you were hurt and it was all my fault i should have taken better care of our time together i should have let you guide me to a life where I could still wake up to you and thank God that you were made for me and our souls finally met on some random shit on a day that just so happened to be the day that love is celebrated and im glad it was you who came to my rescue cuz that day has always been hard for me it seems like the people who i care for the most but loose in the worst ways always make their way in to my life on valentines day I miss you so much and I try not to show it but today aint one of them days i can stop the replays of every memory we made together and i cant stop the feelings of regret and anger and if i had only been a lil less of a littith and more like eve then i would still have my baby my daddy nugget my king i always feel like you miss me too and i hope you do but i know you are gonna be the one who i pushed away but you never came back even after the promises we mad that no matter how hard things got we wouldnt lose our way but i gave up when you needed me to be the strongest i could be im so weak and felt like i could always push you and you would stand strong and endure the bipolar episodes and the maniac mood swings but you left me in the midst of the typical borderline split that i tried to teach you about and I think thats why i hurt so bad because that me wasnt really me i was just somebody stuck in my head that ended up coming out into reality and she took away the love i deserved more than anything and left me broken and empty and my heart searching for yours again i think you will run from me for eternity cuz youre the one soul who couldnt be taken by me i will look for you but never find you and you will look for me and never find me and thats because we completed each other so perfectly now we're just out here trying to unbreak the broken but it will never be i love you cash and you never will understand how much our time really made me realize that you saw the flaws in me and you accepted that part i was 100 percent myself around you and ive never been able to do that and i miss you so much but i know i fucked up and you aint coming back but i wish you a happy life even tho its not with me but thank you for being my man through a time in my life where i needed you as fucked up as my life is you were the one thing that gave me the stregth to keep going and do bette

The hardest part

The hardest part of letting go is wondering which fight had to be the one to determine our end when we spent so long planning out what was such a stable future but now for the next 1000 nights i will sleep alone in anger and frustration because we were just fine now i got all these people in my ear telling me how youre doing out here and how youre happy with her that its time for me to just let go and move on but if you werent happy with me but you moved on with me from her how could you go back like things suddenly would change cuz you didnt want to be there before but then you ran back after i closed the door which is it do you even know how to let go before you already halfway in a new relationship with a new girl but the hardest part is admitting your mistakes but some how its like you never fall out of everyones good grace but i do cuz you paint a picture you place my face and now everyone compares me with the devil the one who ruined your life but they have no clue how many times i had to fight you for my life the hardest part about lettting you go is knowing that once im gone i will not come back for another shot of finishing me like mortal kombat final fatality i remember when you would tell me you loved me so if you loved me where did it go overnight i wish we could just climb back into the bed go back to sleep and never live the day we broke up again cuz the hardest part of letting go is living everyday with out my best friend

save me

save me save me from the pain that the truth brings let me be blind from the misery the love turned to hate creates dont make me feel how you feel just because you dont kno whow to deal maybe you did make some mistakes i think you have been telling me lies its more than your side of the story its your then there's her's as much as it hurts to hear her describe the same things you do to me you are doing to her i feel like this love was never really love just a rebound that took you for a twist and turn you never intended to love me but now you do you want to hurt me before i hurt you but i could never imagine the day that i could do the impossible but then i walked away the fairytale was over no more knight in shining armour you were just another heart that couldnt mend on its own so you had to find someone to blame it on even though it wasnt me that did anything wrong because i wasnt the typical girl you fell for and you understood me more than you understood yourself you pushed so far away that i feel off the bridge right before you got a chance to burn it

borderline

love eventually turns into a hate so deep 

man you still bitter come on its been years just forgive me for everything

i never meant to cheat well i aint mean to get caught 

and the lies

i told them lies cuz i knew if i told you the truth it would hurt you so i lied to you to protect your feelings because baby i do love you

i knew you would lose your mind when you found out about me and your brother at your mothers house last thanksgiving while you were locked up 

your brother was just a shoulder to cry on i aint mean for him to become a dick for me to ride on

but i guess my apology wasnt shit but i know its gotta be hard to be here with your nephew slash step son i know it dont make it no better but your brother ened up being a piece of shit and left me alone with his seed and you just so happen to come home around the time we conceived so the times were so close i never thought you would question jrs paternity 

if i say im sorry to you for the millionith and one time will you finally believe me cuz i really didnt mean it 

i only cheated 

cuz i caught you textin other bitches

but you laid you in my shit dead ass broke like at least get some money from the ho you risk your life for 

i only wanted to kill you slowly 

watch you breakdown mentally so slow that the pain i made in you gonna take away 

the way you think, the way you do everything, you will have no control but i have total poessesion of every reaction you can create

you will always blame me but the truth is the guilty one is the one who sees the devil when she looks into the mirror 

the knfe you shoved in spine the day you chose to give my dick away well

here you can have it back

mental hell(alth) Everyday I breathe in the air I wish I could get away Its like I’m living in a mental hell a place where there's not likely to be an escape My mind got me locked in its like a prison cell got me bangin on the bars wishing someone else was there It gets so lonely at night my only friends are the ones I created in my head I'm trapped in my own thoughts and that shit eating at my brain Its tearing my life apart til there is nothing left In the shadows my demons lurk Everywhere I go I see them get a lil closer to coming out of the dark The quieter it is on the outside Its like my demons are screaming in my head It’s a deafing sound But nobody around me can hear it I run and try to lose them but they’re always there just one step ahead of me I'm like a mouse and i'm stuck in this maze the gases they release keep me in a daze Never will I know the truth or if I do will I end up dead See there goes those schizo thoughts again PILL CALL yells the nurse again It’s a battlefield inside my mind i'm at constant war And the opponet I face is always my reflection in the foggy mirror Im fighting to be sane to have all the fucked up memores go away but im slowly sinking in the quicksand My constant overthinking has me with nothing but my flailing hand Hoping someone reaches in and saves me This prison is full of psychopathic, schzophrenic, borderline and sociopathic broken versions of me I'm a caged bird but they won’t let me free my wings will never lift me to soar high above my mental Inadaquacies