life of a dope feen

Let me paint you a picture of the reality Of living life As a dope fiend That 20 is never going to be enough You’ll call the dealer again Inhale the smoke that soothes your Soul And takes your mind to places unknown You used to smoke for the fun of it But deep down its cuz you wanted to mask some shit Hide away all the bruises that you know are there Even tho they have faded away It started out so simple didn’t it Now your in the bathroom floor with some foil a spoon and a needle You were the prom queen they said But now you just wish the life you had Would have never happened And that the fairy tale it was supposed to be Was everything you turned out to be You are In denial of the truth And that’s why you have arms with track scars as proof Itching scratching away at the nothing that is your oblivious imagination Addiction is like hell but we on earth talking and breathing Battling that demon You cant blame anyone for this shit but yourself You had it all at one point in time But now your just sick all the time The dope is so good you will do anything for it So you spread your legs for $20 or $30 dollars You got him off and all you got was a hit And that’s not gonna last long So you jumpin in and out of cars All night long You are chasing the dragon but the dragon isn’t there And it just isn’t fair how you fucked your life up And made the choice to go from a QUEEN to a junkie I mean a fiend or whatever you wanna call it however you wanna be seen The love you never had as a kid you swear you’ll find it in  A foil wit fent in it But there is no love in that shit Just arrests, court dates, sickness and regret It’s a point you know when the high aint high enough And it doesn’t numb your pan away So you shoot up some more and then your body drops

dope

time it moves so ever slowly when you are only up anticipating the very thing that should be freighting but the curosity always killed the cat so they say so now here you lie at 3 am wide awake because you and the bowl just cant part ways silly lil addict how awake do you want to be the dope lies to you it makes you think you are that bitch but really nobody actually notices you the dope consumes you what used to be something so beautiful is now nothing but a miserable disaster the dope lies to you it makes you want to fuck every tom dick and harry when your hiv screen comes back the dope tells you its ok just lie to them like he lied to you the dope overpowers you and you now have no control but baby girl remember it all started with wanting to be somebody and rollin that bowl life is nothing but smoke and mirrors but when you add a substance to it it aint that much clearer even tho we are high enough and feel like we are touching the sky the only thing we are really doing is trudging along and dancing with the devil this life its so fake take me back to when all i knew about meth was that it was blowing up billy n dem cuz they asses were making shake n bake i love who i am have become but i hate this is how i found myself again dope is the destroyer of love, of life and of all happinesss eventually the ice isnt enough so you turn to heroin and fentynal and thats usually what ends it all the dope lies to you it makes you think you are that bitch but really nobody actually notices you the dope consumes you what used to be something so beautiful is now nothing but a miserable disaster the dope lies to you it makes you want to fuck every tom dick and harry when your hiv screen comes back the dope tells you its ok just lie to them like he lied to you the dope overpowers you and you now have no control RIP MIRANDA PACE I WILL FOREVER AND ALWAYS HOLD YOU IN MY HEART I HOPE YOU ARE FLYING HIGH WATCHING OVER US ALL AND MAYBE ITS BECAUSE OF YOU WHY SHALLOWFORD IS FINALLY ABOUT TO FALL

cash and bird

I'm sorry for everything I didn't do I'm sorry for the things I should have done I'm sorry I fell in love with someone who I thought was gonna love me forever but it ended in just a couple months but those were months I could live over and over and over again cuz I never want that time to be replaced by memories with someone else I want you and you only and I want you to myself we are usually up but for now we have fallen and you have gone back to the past and left me in the present broken hearted unsure of what the future holds for us if it in fact brings us anything although I pray it does because now you've imprinted on my mind my body and my soul it's almost physically impossible for me to function without the other half that makes us a whole you never could have guessed that your life would have impacted mine the way it did but the moment I looked you in your eyes as we woke up that first night together I knew I never wanted to wake up next to anyone else but you you gave up too easy and I didn't fight hard enough so now we're at a stage where you feel I owe you and i feel like even with the money I'll never be good enough it was just yesterday when we were in love n shit now being around is non existent but I wrote this for you cuz you slick low key wanted a poem written about you from me and here it is Cash will you please forgive me for not knowing that loving you would be one of the most beautiful yet hardest things to do the only hard part is letting you go back to a place i feel once caused you hurt you know the grass aint always green sometimes its just plan ol dirt your heart and mine are connected thru the end of time but let's let that come day at a time so i say to you can you remember that soft spot in your heart for bird cuz bird loves cash and that's da word

the beginning

The Truth Let me tell it See this here is the truth about me and you or you and I, whichever is the grammatically correct way to represent the us we have become you are my stars my moon and I am the Goddess of the night but when you look at me I turn into the Sun beaming from ear to ear with rays of light I cant imagine what my world would be like without you cuz up til you found me on badu my world was so dark and unhappy i was always so fuckin miserable because your soul was searching and my soul was trying to run away from anything that had to do with love cuz love had blinded me and made me feel like I am less of the Goddess I know our creators especially blended together from broken plaster and thats why I am a broken woman until valentines day the year was 2023 and I had never thought another person's confusing text would have lead me to the inbox of the one i refuse to ever ever be without again its like the first time my energy and yours intertwined the plaster's cracks began to smooth themselves out I can see so much hurt and pain in your eyes and it kills me that anyone would ever cause you any pain but can you just let me love you and the damage will soon heal the wounds you never thought could be sealed you complete so many of the missing pieces of my life i know now that everything we have experienced has lead us to be so scared to love again but for that reason our hearts are unseperable i love you for so many reasons i dont think i have enough memory on my laptop to begin to tell you i love you because you love me just as i am and i love you because you are the perfect man i hope my next son grows up and wants to be ive never had someone do the things you do for me and if you ever leave me i know i will lose the biggest part of me and that scares the fuck out of me Cash on my mama n dem you know my kids n granny We will have a thousand more fights, a billion more kisses, a trillion more i love you's and makeups and breakups and prenups cuz baby i believe in you and i know you gonna be on food network one day so fine so talented and so famous this shit aint no joke you my husband you my soul mate and the reason i finally am whole not shattered with abusive post tramatic memories can you let me love every part of you i want you and i to be in this not just together but for eternity cuz i still see you with my hand in yours as we cross into the next journey i dont deserve you i think you deserve the world that you give me unselfishly you are taking a spoied princess and turning her into a queen I love you my Daddy Nugget, my Cash, my Mike C never think different never doubt us and never think that i dont love you for you fuck all that other shit you are my baby fr and i thnk me without you would probably end up killing me I can tell how you look at me that you really do love me so i really wrote all this to say thank you i appreciate everything you have done and will ever do for me its means so much more thna i think you will ever know

alpha 3

sitting in alpha 3 everybody sleep except me im up geeked drinkin on this dirt coffee sitting back thinkin how the fuck this happen to me my put i was always extra careful no new friends with badder habits but who knew the one on my paperwork would be you you called 12 on me told them i sold you bad dope but now im locked up and you still in the street bangin on blood and holla'n suuwoo but you was supposed to be my best friend my day one my go to but you the reason why im in this yellow jumpsuit with pendin charges cuz you cant handle the dope that you smoke hands behind my back head down like fuck who can i call to bail me out no one you took my freedom from me and i can never forgive and forget that then to turn around and watch two other people plottin against me pointin they fingers like yo is this really how the dope game be so much for them tats on you saying loyalty see i always fucked wit you gave you an extra gram or two just trynna put a  lil something in ya pocket but you never did flip it you just flipped yo shit and waited til the time i only had a dub for you to drop the dime on me like bruh why me you always said my poems flow so well and my stories be so true but did you ever think id write one bout a snitch ass bitch and dedicate it to you ?

changes

how the fuck was i supposed to know that the person i have loved for so many years was someone who could be so disgusting so foul you hurt that part of me again even after all these years i let you and her remain friends friends was never the word used to describe the way yall carried on the relationship cuz damn 2 kids goes by thats way more than a fling but if it wasnt for the fact i found the dna test reults cuz you were always bad at hiding things completely i would never have thought those pretty lil girls she birthed like clockwork each of their birthdays is exactly 11 months apart looked just like the mother the monster who theyd learn from an theyd grow up with frozen bitter hearts you hid the fact that she was fuckin you so good you just said fuck it we can still have the baby just say my girl is the god mommy and itll make her so happy she wont even think about the fact we're on number three but me and her never concieved so you mean to tell me that everytime i hit 11 weeks your seed would die so hers could thrive and you wonder why the fuck i was always crying and contemplating suicide