mental hell(alth) Everyday I breathe in the air I wish I could get away Its like I’m living in a mental hell a place where there's not likely to be an escape My mind got me locked in its like a prison cell got me bangin on the bars wishing someone else was there It gets so lonely at night my only friends are the ones I created in my head I'm trapped in my own thoughts and that shit eating at my brain Its tearing my life apart til there is nothing left In the shadows my demons lurk Everywhere I go I see them get a lil closer to coming out of the dark The quieter it is on the outside Its like my demons are screaming in my head It’s a deafing sound But nobody around me can hear it I run and try to lose them but they’re always there just one step ahead of me I'm like a mouse and i'm stuck in this maze the gases they release keep me in a daze Never will I know the truth or if I do will I end up dead See there goes those schizo thoughts again PILL CALL yells the nurse again It’s a battlefield inside my mind i'm at constant war And the opponet I face is always my reflection in the foggy mirror Im fighting to be sane to have all the fucked up memores go away but im slowly sinking in the quicksand My constant overthinking has me with nothing but my flailing hand Hoping someone reaches in and saves me This prison is full of psychopathic, schzophrenic, borderline and sociopathic broken versions of me I'm a caged bird but they won’t let me free my wings will never lift me to soar high above my mental Inadaquacies

fuck you and her: a goodbye attempt

Why did you stop giving me the world? Do I no longer live in yours? Why did you wake up one day, and tell yourself that you now had to undo your love for me and remind me every chance you got that you hated me? We were too comfortable living in our fairy tale When did you start to look at me like nothing just another stranger you pass by in a rush? Why does she get the parts of your heart that you once gave me? I hate you and that bitch, fuck y'all I hope y'all live together happily ever after and shit while I just sit in the blind spots plotting and planning and watching the happiness I once had waking up to you every morning and you not hating her today I wish she would stab the knife deeper in your back way deeper than the knife went when you stabbed me in mine I fuckin hate you for making me cry all alone on a Friday night cuz I cant have the one thing i want more than money can buy your heart beating with mine again id give anything for that i need you i love you but fuck you I wish you would get out of my head I wish I could go back to the day before we met cuz if I knew loving you would hurt so bad I’d had have left your message as seen on read

you are love

you are love I will never forget that feeling of love that you gave me Even if it wasn’t real to you It was real to me It is something no one else has ever made me feel I finally felt the butterflies I understood what it meant to feel someone’s heart sync with my own I know that it’s some thing I want back more than anything in this world I don’t understand why that feeling changed We did nothing wrong to each other Everything was done right at least in my eyes But I guess your vision may have changed But I still felt your heart beating with me Through all the fights And long nights spent wondering where you were Crying and cuss in and asking myself what did I do Because even in the worst of times I remembered the butterflies when I hear you say my name And the rush of sensation that my brain releases when you touch me If you aren’t love then it just does not exist Because the love meant for me was created when they made you

pics of us

Someone asked me as I scrolled through our old pics and videos “how do you not cry, yall look like yall were made for each other. Aren’t you sad watching those videos?” and I lied to him it kills me every minute living without my partner in crime my baby my boo you know what we have is a real thing and thats why you keep running once shit got harder to handle than we were used to I told him I’m over the hardest part and I can smile at the good memories between you and me there are so many but deep down I miss that part of us so much I wish everyday I could rewind this time we’ve had apart and redo the first day forever that was the day you imprinted on my heart you took a piece of me forever and forever there still remains your laugh in my mind, or how you pronounce scared its so fuckin weird but its unique to you and I can deal with it you act like you despise my existance now but I know there is no way you really hate me If you’re on my mind so much I know I am on yours too I will watch every video and look at every picture we ever took to replay those days I wish i still had you around I wish we had fought a lil harder to stay the power couple of panola

Left on read

Why did you stop giving me the world? Do I no longer live in yours? Why did you wake up one day, and tell yourself that you now had to undo your love for me and remind me every chance you got that you hated me? We were too comfortable living in our fairytale When did you start to look at me like nothing just another stranger you pass by in a rush? Why does she get the parts of your heart that you once gave me? I hate you and that bitch, fuck yall I hope yall live together happily ever after and shit while I just sit in the blind spots plotting and planning and watching the happiness I once had waking up to you every morning and you not hating her today I wish she would stab the knife deeper in your back way deeper than the knife went when you stabbed me in mine I fuckin hate you for making me cry all alone on a friday night cuz I cant have the one thing i want more than money can buy your heart beating with mine again id give anything for that i need you i love you but fuck you I wish you would get out of my head I wish I could go back to the day before we met cuz if I knew loving you would hurt so bad I’d had have left your message as seen on read

I dont want to love again too many times Ive been hurt I know ill never win at love just lose all over again my heart aint got no more times to unbreak and start to reheal only for the next victim of my toxic bullshit comes thru the door i do it to myself fear abandonment hate the thought of rejection but I aint truly ever happy without that element im a victim to my own bullshit I dont wanna love again cuz im hold in on to things that are gone I dont want to change again cuz im scared I might come undone im not to strong anymore god can't hold on im not too strong anymore please just let me go see when I said lets just stay friends i didnt mean it cuz everyday like that would be killing myself over and over again its best that we just part cuz this demon in me will not rest and your soul is so pure I can't be the one to break you i can't be the one to turn you into the me i hate lookin at in the mirror I can't let you become a victim another innocent victim of a lost demon forever struck with borderline personalities being all these different faces behind one sad girl is nothing ID wish on anybody. but im here scared to love again cuz everytime I take a new soul a Lil of me dies. on the inside