down thIe road

The whispers I hear when you're not here
Make me understand it'll just be one more day
And I'll be ok
It is your love that carries me day for day
Even tho I'm out here and your in a cell what feels like a million miles away

The chains that bound you
Can't hold our love
Can't break us
Even tho when I say I love you
I can't see that smile on your face

Every letter every call
It's like why did it have to be this
One day we are laying in the bed
Watching movies
And sneakin in a kiss between the wiggles
Of the twins lil toes
But then blue lights flood my memory and it was both of us goin down the road

What am I gonna tell the babies
You said tell them daddy coming home in 2024
And then the officer pushed your head down and slammed the door 

under my nose

how the fuck ws i supposed to know 

that the person i have loved for so many years

was someone who could be so disgusting

so foul 

you hurt that part of me again 

even after all these years i let you and her remain friends

friends was never the word used to describe

the way yall carried on 

the relationship

cuz damn 2 kids goes by 

thats way more than a fling 

but if it wasnt for the fact i found the dna test reults

cuz you were always bad at hiding things completely 

i would never have thought those pretty lil girls she 

birthed like clockwork each of their birthdays

is exactly 11 months apart

looked just like the mother the monster who 

theyd learn from an theyd grow up with frozen bitter hearts

you hid the fact that she was fuckin you so good

you just said fuck it we can still have the baby just say my girl is the 

god mommy and itll make her so happy she wont even think 

about the fact we're on number three

but me and her never concieved 

so you mean to tell me that everytime i hit 11 weeks 

your seed would die so hers could thrive and you wonder why the fuck i was always

crying and contemplating suicide 

the end need to rearrange lol

I don't need you to love me anymore I need you to let me let you go so I can love myself You came into my life like a prince so charming from a fairy tale holding the door, insisting that I walk on the inside, pulling out the chair it was all so respectful and made me feel so secure that the man that I would fall in love with was the man's man he claimed he was but over time you stopped doing those nice things, you said you would never call me a bitch just your bitch and in the the hood the way you put my infront made it a declaration of ownership til that day you just said bitch but forgot the my and that's when I realized this dream was on it's way to becoming a nightmare I wish I didn't continue to have over and over and over again you broke me down piece by piece until you saw me as nothing but destroyed and weak you hated yourself that I was something you could never be that was something you battled with way before me but I loved you as you were or who you wanted your outward appearance to be but the pain in your eyes is something I saw through and you could no longer hide the parts of you that you hated the most is the parts of me you loved until we looked in the mirror one day and instead of two you just saw you and you had achieved what you had set out for your goal was made you turned every thing you loved about me into everything you now would hate I left you there because you had stripped away the layers of me that never can be repaired now and I couldn't allow you the power to keep hurting me because you didn't want your secret to get out I would have never told a soul I just wanted the pain in your eyes to become light again I always told you I just wanted you to find your happiness but it took you to destroy me the end

dark queen not finished

In the darkness I appear 

A beautiful demon 

Illuminated by the flames of hell's fire 

As I spread my wings 

The beauty of the darkness is finally seen

Take my hand and walk with me to the deepest 

Parts of agony

Slowly the blood drips down your fingertips 

And you let go 

The last breath your lungs will release

Now you belong to me in your death now come my king it's time to rule our legion of death and destruction

not finished

Over and over my minds races

Ticking is all I hear 

As the sound of the clock 

Increase my fear of the fact

We are on borrowed time and never know

When it's gonna be time to go

Spaced out I just need to relaxing 

Unwind and let things I can't control

Do what they please cuz I can't do anything

But show too many symptoms of anxiety

Insomnia and disarray it seems like my days are

Short but the nights have lasted for so long

Sleep don't come easy when you're riding 

The amphetamine wave

Alot of nights you just become stuck over thinking

Every thought you ever thought you could think 

I fight my sleep cuz I hate to dream cuz my dreams

Are filled with goblins and goons monsters and demons

the day before my birthday

Why do you hate me so much or make me feel like you hate me. Like I'm not over none of the shit that happened at the end like I'm not. You have had two relationships to my none after we broke up and it's like why can't we fix what was wrong and move on and be happy like why are other bitches getting the parts of you that I hold on to. I wasn't bad to you and I feel like you loved me a lot and you still might do a little bit I dunno but you just are so mean to me to try to push me away or something I dunno but like I ain't never felt like I have about nobody else like you showed me something different during the majority of our relationship and like I guess in a way I never made you feel i appreciated you but I do I always have and I have needed you since the day you came in my life and we had a vibe that was one of a kind. I hate this everyday without you has been hell like on some real shit I make so much money and buy shit every day to fill a void I guess but I should be sharing this with you like you really was there when I was still new to this but now I'm really getting money it's like none of it matters cuz we ain't getting money together like we was this was supposed to be be our come up but I guess I'll never get none of that back I just need to let it go cuz I fucked our relationship up and you refuse to let me fix it and I hate that hurt. Knowing you happy with someone else kills me. I get niggas try every day to get to know me and all that shit and I won't let nobody in. I know you not gonna talk to me or come now but I just had to get this shit off my chest I'm sitting here the day before my birthday in tears because there's one thing I can't get in this world that would make me happy again but no matter what I'll never turn my back on you no matter what do you can always come wherever I'm at I'll always help you get on your feet and have somewhere for you to lay your head regardless of everything. I wish we had fought for our relationship to last but ain't nothing else I can do to get you to try again with me so it is what it is. I love you daddy nugget and that's just from my heart you always gonna be a special person I had in my life.